September 26th, 2003 @ 5:19PM
consolation of my soul
I lost it...it's gone from me,
but deep inside-it's meant to be.
I fell apart, you picked me up.
I brushed the dirt off my knees.
Cause it's just what I do.
I'm gonna speak in metaphor,
cause it's easier on my mind.
The soul seems to dig it when I skip a beat,
and it falls into place in the rhyme.
I'm not sure what to believe in,
and I know that things have changed...
I don't think I've ever felt so free,
Now I'm like a tiger lost in her cage.
I miss the way you hold my hand,
and stare at me so quietly.
The way your eyes slowly travel,
like I'm exactly who you want me to be.
I'm gonna let you keep it-
that special thing I lost.
It's the quiet comfort I can give,
My gift to you, no matter the cost.
~jMl
9-26-03
August 23rd, 2003 @ 8:22PM
"If you wrap yourself in daffodils, I will wrap myself in pain...And if you're the queen of kalifornia, then baby I am the king of the rain..." ~counting crows
This line is from "goodnight elizabeth" off the recovering the satellites album. I am a huge Crows fan, and have always been inspired by the passion (see last post) that Duritz can show through his lyrics in live shows. I was never really into this song until I heard it done live (he also explained what the song was about) and I realized that I can relate perfectly to the gurl he's singing about.
It's all about leaving what may be the best relationship/situation/ or love you have, because you're scared of what happens in your own imagination. She walked, and he was faithful...but she'll never know that now. How very sad.
I find that sometimes I'm still that scared (almost naive) young woman who is terrified of being surprised in love. She's buried deep, but there just the same. So, I suppose in a way I'm still searching for her...looking for that person that's inside of me...the one who isn't afraid to love so fully and deeply that it hurts.
And then I think...I don't want to lose her, because quite possibly she jades me just enough to keep me safe. Who knows? All I know is this...the longer I listen to the song, the more I understand, and that tends to be rather painful. I'm seriously thinking of trading in my daffodils...
Goodnight Elizabeth.
August 14th, 2003 @ 11:30PM
There is a kind of naked silence among my madness this evening. Am I supposed to use this space to spill my music knowledge to the masses? I'd rather spill my heart...
Tonight I know one thing, and that is passion. For life...for my writing...my music. I've learned to know nothing but raw emotion for most of my life. Ironically, when you're faced with the honesty of a situation...sometimes you run. Not because you want to, but because it's your nature. I never have to wonder why I walk...it's just the way it is. It's a path I've chosen to wander many times.
So when a chance comes up...an "opportunity" to do something so very personal and intellectual (is it actually intellectual?) and spontaneous as all hell...do you take it? If all the security of the world is smothering you in a way that is almost insanely comforting, sre you submissive-learning not to breathe? Or do you just throw your arms in the air, and run. If you're looking toward the latter, you have to understand...There is a leap of faith involved, and when you throw your heart to the wolves, there is a small hope that maybe you'll be spared. Because isn't that what we all want? To be loved? Not so much that we lose sight of who we are, but just enough that it's different.
When I fall, I don't want to lose sight of who you are...because it matters to me. I want to lohv with all the passion that my torn heart will allow, and still have breathing room. I'm not asking for much, just the security of knowing that my existence is correct, and maybe this time I measured the distance correctly.
You get me?
~jMl 8/14/03
August 10th, 2003 @ 4:02PM
a little something i wrote...
Once apon a past life,
she created a rose colored fantasy.
Where her glass slippers never lost their shine,
And midnight danced on forever.
Happiness, and the spiritual imagination,
Silently she walked through her dreams.
Listening for a breath of fresh air,
Searching amongst the lilac myst.
A lover lost, forgotten from her soul,
Returned.
Sadness enveloped her blue skies,
And the sun has slipped from her universe.
She yearns for the magickal escape,
Throwing away her inner faith.
Simply for a child’s dream of happiness,
She walks ever so slowly in search of the flower;
The seed that started the trance, the journey,
The ever-changing way she dreams of happiness.
